Ang goal nating mga parents ay mapalaki ang ating anak nang mabuti. Kung kaya’t dapat mag-team up kayong mag-asawa at planuhin ang inyong methods o “disciplining plan”. Alamin sa article na ito from momsmagazine.com ang tamang pagbuo ng “disciplining plan”.
When it comes to parenting, disciplining comes with the territory. Although it is normally the least liked activity, it is one of the most important aspects of raising well mannered, respectful children.
In a perfect world, you and your spouse would have a discipline plan written out before your children are born. You might have discussed how you were disciplined as a child, and you would both be on the same page as to how you want to discipline your future children.
Although it is great if couples have discussed discipline prior to having children, it is often times not the case. Even if couples have had the discipline talk prior to having children, it is not uncommon for one spouse to have a change of mind after their children are born, or after they have learned more about their child’s temperament and personality.
Most people would agree that is important for parents to be a team and discipline in the same way. So what do you do, when you observe your spouse disciplining your child in a way that you disagree with or is different from the way you discipline? This can be a complicated issue because there are many parties involved. You don’t want to disrespect your spouse; however, you also want to do what is best for your child.
Here are some recommendations on how to effectively make a discipline plan with your spouse.
-Find a time when the children are in bed, there are few distractions, and you are both in good moods.
– Have with you a pen, paper and any articles or parenting books that you have used for guidance.
– This is the time to discuss any concerns that you have about the way your spouse has disciplined in the past, in addition to writing down a specific discipline plan that you both agree to.
– When you write out your plan, make sure to include one for each child based on their age, as well as examples of phrases you will use, consequences that will occur, and a list of things you will never do or say.
– When you sit down with your spouse to discuss your concerns, choose your words carefully. Make sure you are using more ‘I’ statements than ‘you’ statements. For example, your spouse will feel less attacked, and will be more likely to listen if you say something like “I am not feeling good about doing ___ with Joe, it just does not feel right to me” rather than saying “you can’t do ___ with Joe, it is not helpful and it’s only making things worse.”
If you are home with your children more and feel strongly that you have a method of discipline that already works, ask your spouse to try it and see how it goes. It can be helpful to provide them examples of how the method has worked, or show them examples in your books of why the method is recommended. Don’t be surprised if you need to model it a few times in front of your spouse before they catch on to it.
Parenting, and specifically disciplining, does not come natural to everyone. Some parents that work outside of the home for extended periods of time, or who are not use to being around children, might find it unnatural to empathize with an overly dramatic teenager, or give simple, short choices to a whining toddler. This is why having examples written down, and modeling the behavior, is so important.
Understand that we all get angry and impatient at times and that we need to give our spouses a break when they mess up. During your private conversation about discipline ask your spouse if they would like you to step in if they can see that you are about to lose your marbles, or are not following the plan. Likewise, let your spouse know if you would like them to take over if you give them the signal, or they can see you need a mommy timeout to re-group.
Doing the research and having a conversation about discipline might not be high on the list of Friday night activities; however, having a specific, detailed plan that both of you agree to will make you feel more confident in your parenting and connected in your marriage.
Please don’t hesitate to tweet (@JingCastaneda) or post your messages here in my column, or via my Facebook (Jing Castaneda Abscbn) for any clarifications.